Ive been tagged my Syaza! so here's one for you, babe.

Currently - bored at the office, listening to my tummy growling. *rubs tummy*
Playing - Mine to Remember by WAZ but drowned due to my growling stomach
Pending - girly sessions with my lovelies and a shopping spree!!
What's new? - my pretty buys from Bijou Bazaar and telawi over the weekend and also a pretty black dress from F21. weeeee
Real name - Najwa "dont mess with me" Hamdan
Nickname - Nowadays, its betty boobies. some days, its Naj, Nikki, moon java
Married - na ah. young, single, and lovely. heeee
Male/Female - Female
High school - SMK Section 9, SMK USJ4, SMS Seri Puteri
College - Cempaka College
Are you a health freak? - takde la freak, but i do go to the gym and i try to watch what i eat. hehe.
Do you have a crush on someone? - OMG! yes yes! Gerard Butler and Jeffrey Dean Morgan. YUMMEH!
Do you like yourself? - honey, im obsessed with myself.

First,

Surgery - something to with my right ear when i was 5ish?
Person you see in the morning - my maid cos she suka buka pintu to amik rubbish bin
Award - i think it was for graduating pre-school. haha
Sports you join in - hmm, think it was netball and handball. mana aku ingat woi!
Vacation - hmm, in malaysia, probably kelantan but that's balik kampung, outside malaysia, singapore kut.
Concert - The moffats! when i was 11. hahah...good times.
Drink - water?
I'm about to - burp. banyak angin. perut kosong. haha

Your future,

Want kids - entah. not so sure about that. see how it goes
Want to get married - yes please. heheee
Careers in mind - doctor, baby. a paediatrician maybe? but we shall see.

Which is better?

Lips or Eyes? - lips laaaaaaaa. i have to kiss it everyday nanti.
Hugs or Kisses? - HUGSSSSSS all the way. i love cuddlessss. ngeee
Shorter or Taller? - taller.
Romantic or Spontaneous? - spontaneous.
Sensitive or Loud? - sensitive but jgnla over.
Troublemaker or Hesitant? - neither...

Have you ever,

Kissed a stranger? - yeapp. oh mann
Drank bubbles - not yet
Lost glasses / contacts - selalu. tak terkira.
Ran away from home - was always too chicken to do it
Liked someone younger - nahhhh
Broke someone's heart - i like to think that im a heartbreaker.
Been arrested - not ever i hope.
Cried when someone died - yes. totally. bawled my eyes outtt.

Do you believe in,

Yourself - every now and then
Miracles - not so sure about this. but i guess it does happen
Magic - is funnnn. i likeeeee. david blaine, come to mama. haha
Angels - yeaap. i do.

Answer truthfully,

Is there someone you want to be with right now? - of courselaa. anything is better than being stuck in the office now. haha

im supposed to tag people. but i just dont have that many friends. so i malas. but feel free to tag urself, if u happen to rasa nak buat this tag thing. cheers.

Went for the entrance exam for charles university. Thought i did well. Felt pretty good about it. but yes. another rejection. yet again.

Things havent been going my way for the past few months. I kinda screwed up my ALevels, got rejected from countless unis, THIS close to falling for a guy who dumped me after a mere 2 months, got into alot of crap and bullshit, and the list goes on. Maybe it's a sign. I wonder what Allah is trying to tell me. But everything happens for a reason kan? who am i to question it?

I just HOPE that things would eventually go my way. FOR ONCE. but i guess that's asking for too much.

Maybe Dublin and Prague are not the places for me. Maybe Allah has better plans for me. He knows what's best. In time, ill surely understand why. Insya Allah.

Got these messages from Jannah's blog and my Tika.

If Allah answers your prayers, Allah is increasing your faith. If Allah delays them, Allah is increasing your patience. If Allah doesn't answer, Allah has better plans for you...-Hebat Girl, 3rd February 2008

Allah answers prayers in 3 ways: He says YES and gives you what you want. He says WAIT and gives you the best in his own time. He says NO and gives you something better. - Tika, 26th April 2008.

Ive tried my best. It's gonna take all of me for me to be able to do medicine. I dont know if i can go on. My intention is pure but i dont know if i have the strength to go on.

im so tired of crying. ive cried wayyyy too much tears. sampai i dont have tears to shed anymore. These days, when people hurt me or gimme crap or when i get a rejection like this, I just feel so heartless. tak ada perasaan langsung. like dah cannot afford to rasa apa-apa. sort of immuned to it.

I guess that's better than feeling depressed and shit right? 

anyhoo, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAREST SHARIFAH NUR ALIYAH. May you have a lovely time this year. I love you forever and ever, baby. 13 years and counting. KITA LOVE FOR LIFE. MWAH. xxxxoooxxxoooo 

im gonna go sleep and feel sorry for myself. kthnks, bye.

i think i spoke too soon.

urrrgggghhh...this is so fucked up. i just wrote a bloody long entry and KABOOM it just vanishedddddd. aaaaaaaaaaa. stupid mofo. urggh urggh. now ive gotta get my groove back. and what a way to come back from a long absence from blogging and tiba-tiba keluar all the profanities. *note to self - must control temper*

yes yes. ive been abandoning this blog for soooo long. Almost 2 months to be exact. oh mannn, cant believe it's april already. time flies by TOO DAMN FAST! *sigh* tak sempat aku nak take a breather ok? haiyaaaa.

anyway, i officially turned 20 on the 30th of march. No big, happening party this time around. Just a laidback one with the family and a few of my sayangs. I know its very late dah but i thank all of you who wished me happy birthday on facebook, friendster, text messages, on msn, everyone who called, even the ones who called me on skype and any other means of communication lah. i appreciate it. i love each and everyone of you for you were a part of making my 20th THAT MUCH more special. KITA LOVE FOR LIFE! xx

And here's a super duper late birthday entry for one of the people that i love the most on the whole entire freakin planet.

Farah Nadia Razali. I cant even begin to imagine my life without you. Thank you so much for always always being there for me. Although for the last few years, ure like halfway across the world from me, you never fail to hear me out and layan me rant and bitch about everything under the sun. I love you so fucking much you have no idea. i sayang you banyak-banyak sangattt. sayangggg sangat! I wouldnt trade you, our childhood memories and every moment spent with you for ANYTHING in the world. blood is thicker than water, baby. hehe. I miss you everyday. cant wait for you to come home in june. DAMAS AND OU HERE WE COME! hehehe. im so proud of you my future doctor. lovegilaaaaaaa. mwah. xx

HAPPY BELATED 22ND BIRTHDAY, BONS! LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK.

Okay, moving on. unfortunately, i didnt get into RCSI. I was really upset at first but i kinda saw it coming. cos as much as id like to think that im smart, there are so many others who are smarter than me. I guess luck just wasnt on my side. takde rezeki, nak buat macam mana kan? So, ill be sitting for an entrance exam on the 26th for entry to Charles Uni, Prague. Do remember me in your prayers okay? I really need all the luck i can get. Insya Allah, ill get in. This is my LAST hope, people. Or else, ill have to start allll over again and ill probably end up in sydney. *sigh*

On a lighter note, guess who's off the market? *winks*

I dont want to get my hopes up though cos im scared that i might end up getting hurt again. so, im just taking it slow and see where the wind blows. Living for today for the past has gone by and tomorrow might never come. But the dude is growing on me. i realised that i really do care for him and maybe, just maybe, i might have fallen for him too. mmm

but i dont know. im to afraid to talk about anything that involves the word "love". it's kind of a curse for me i think. the moment i fall for someone, theyll start screwing up and end up breaking my heart. and like always, ill fall apart. because i always always fall hard. but im strong now and i have my guard up and i always like to think that im invincible. hehe. maybe the risk is worth taking and i should not be afraid. for sometimes, the things that you're scared of might end up being the things that are most worthwhile. i guess we'll see what happens ey?

too much rambling here. time to go. be safe, loves. mwa.

i know ice been mia again. so sorry for that. ive been really busy for the last couple of weeks. mostly due to uni applications. seriously, it's givng me a headache everytime i think about it. *sigh*

So, yeah, now my options are either dublin or czech republic. UK is a long reach as my results arent exactly up to par. but whatever. that's old news. oh, im also applying to imu. And yesterday, i got an offer from Moscow Medical University which is all the freakin way in Russia. Im not sure i want to go there because it's in the middle of nowhere. well, moscow is fine i guess, but that's gonna be my last resort for now if i dont get a place at any other unis. *double sigh*

there's soooo many things to do and there's so little time. Ive gotta register for ielts ASAP man. been putting it off for so long. once i get that done, ill be able to finish up my uni applications for czech rep and imu. gotta get everything done by March. Insya Allah. I really do hope ill get in RCSI though. which reminds me, ive gotta call them up to find out when they're sending out those offer letters or whatever you call it.okay okay. enough uni talk. i sound like a distressed powernerd. *triple sigh*

I attended this awfully interesting seminar from february 1st until the 3rd. It's called the ESQ Leadership training. I wasnt keen on attending it at first. But my dad thought that it was a good idea for me to go for the thing. so, yeah, i gave in and went with my cousins and aunties. It was held at some Dewan at PWTC. It went on for 3 days from 8am-7.30pm. bloody long, i know. When i got there on the first day, i was like soooo not into it. there was a lot of marketing jargon going on. It was just not my kind of thing. I even texted my dad asking what has he gotten me into. *sigh* But my dad was all cool and insisted that i just go through the motion and everything will be okay.

Basically, the seminar was some sort of a self-discovery thing. Since i went for the executive one, there were also some work/corporate related stuff involved. That part made me doze off a few times. LOL. It was all about discovering yourself. You attend the seminar to find answers to the question, "what do i think?", "what do i feel?" and " who am i?". These 3 questions are of course related to IQ, EQ, and SQ respectively. But mostly, we were all there to find out who we are which relates to spiritual quotient.

Since ESQ is founded by a Muslim, their basis is 165. Ihsan, 6 rukun iman, and 5 rukun Islam. Everything they taught us was based on the Quran and also proven scientifically from all sorts of sources. Which is why Non-muslims could also attend the seminar. because it wasnt a seminar agama or anything like that. They were there to prove kebesaran Allah. To prove that the whole universe bersujud to Allah. And everything, ABSOLUTELY everything human beings do in their everyday life, everything is related to asma ul-husna. the 99 names of Allah. I was really amazed by this. kagum tak terkata ok? It was a really out of this world experience for me as ive never been to anything like that.

I could say that, as cliche as it may sound. This seminar has changed my life, literally. it has put a whole new perspective for me on how to embrace life as a good muslim. I memang sangat insaf ok after i went for the thing. Dont get me wrong, when i say insaf, doesnt mean im gonna cover up and start being all alim and crap. im not ready yet. I will when the time comes. For now, it made me realised that i am so not ready to die as my amalan sangat sikit. and all this while. I have been so jauh from God. The most important thing that ive learnt from the seminar is that everything in life, whatever you do, you have to do it for Allah. No matter how much you love your family, your husband, boyfriend, whatever, you have to love Allah more. Everything you do has to revolve around Allah. If you've got Allah in mind. insya Allah, you'll always be protected. Provided you solat cukup and try your best to jauhkan diri from perkara-perkara yang dilarang. Well, after all, we are only human. Ill blog more about this in my next few posts as i have ALOT of things to share with you people.

On a lighter note, i have started workingggg! yeah, baby. i started on monday the 11th. I am currently working at the Honda Showroom in Glenmarie. Mostly, im doing alot of Human Resource and Admin stuff. Typing memos and crap. It gets kinda boring but hey, i get paid 1K amonth for doing nothing. why not kan? haha.. Most probably, ill be working till July. Insya Allah. It's kinda cool here though cos my movement is unrestricted, my working hours is flexible. but i try to come in at 9am and go home at 4pm la. Im basically, what they call mobile and flexi mostly due to the owner being my dad's friend. hahaha.

hmm, Im also going to melaka this weekend!!! we're going on saturday and coming back on sunday. we're going there for ikan bakar and knick knacks at Jonker Street. weehoooo. cant wait man! ROADTRIPPPPP! Insya Allah Jadi. hehe.

and Fatty ku is leaving for New Zealand tonite. my friends are leaving me one by one. On the 18th, fendi pulak also to NZ. Then in March Sarah and Asma to India. Oh Michael is also leaving for aussieland next week. SHUCKS. people always leave.  i am so f-ing depressed. *sigh*

oh well, this is one freakin long post. and i noticed that i sigh alot. haha. okay, people. till then. yeaaahh...not to forget..

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO ALL MY LOVELIES AND ALSO HAPPY SINGLE AWARENESS DAY!!! SINGLETONS UNITE! WEEEEEEE.

ive been missing for awhile. yes, i know. yet again. but it was only because either i didnt have anything to blog about or i didnt have the mood to blog. mostly, it's the latter. haha.

Quite a few MAJOR things happened the last few weeks. so, i guess ill enlighten you people. it's been awhile anyway.

Rahman, my Pak Dollah left for Germany on the 9th. Prior to his departure, i was already BEYOND emo. It was soooo hard to see him leave. This is the 3rd time someone really really really close to me left to further studies abroad. First two were Fra and Lia of course. I cried way too much before he left. After his doa selamat on the way home in Mizi's car, the time when i talked to him the night before he left and of course, at the airport. When he left, the first few days, it all still seemed surreal. it was so weird. but then, it dawned on me that he's not gonna be around for me to just call up at any time of the day, no more dragging him to go shopping or lepak at the mamak, or just call him up to talk or ask him to come to the house to play wii or just lepak. No more. He's just not gonna be there ALWAYS anymore. but im okay now. I know he'll be back. I just miss him. everyday.

Hmm, on the 17th, my aunt, Kak Nabila got married. It came as quite a shock because it was an arranged marriage and was announced at the very last minute. 2 weeks before the wedding was going to take place to be exact. I still cant believe that she chose to go ahead with it. Like WOW!!! It's one thing to get married to someone but getting married to a stranger? whoa. crazy man. But it's all very scary to me. imagine you've been living under the same roof as your parents for the last 25 years of your life and suddenly you're being handed over to someone for else, a total stranger (in her case) all of a sudden. *sigh* gila lah. But it's cool. it could be an interesting experience. some sort of a learning process. hehe.

Andddd....i just got my results today. I wont say that im happy with it. Im VERY disappointed in myself actually. because i know i could have done better. but everyone will be saying that so you just have to accept it kan? There's nothing i can do anyway. what's done is done. Im just really thankful that i did okay and most of all, i feel freaking RELIEVED!!!! *screams*

Now all ive gotta do is wait for uni offer letter and enjoy the rest of my hols till i start again some time in either august or september. yesssssss. weeehoooo.

im so jobless. im so bored i want to die. boring for lifeeeeee. thank god for the gym and my lovely friendsss. i miss my girls. i miss Fra and Lia MOST. I need a getaway vacation. somewhere there's a beach. please please. 

and i need to lose weight. im so fat i feel like puking when i look at myself in the mirror. shit.

i loveeeee chris brown's with you. please check it out.

im back to blogging again!!!

I dont know whether ill stick to this or open up a new one cos i went through my past entries and there are just some things that i dont want to remember at all. but whatever it is, we'll see. For all you know, i might just stick to blogdrive. well, for now at least.

anyway, it's bye bye 2007. A rollercoaster ride i must say. but still worth remembering nevertheless. so much has happened. so much has changed. alot of people have changed. still hanging out with the same group of people. with the addition of some new faces. It's all good i guess. im still the same. same old najwa.

in a way, im not really looking forward to 2008 cos alot of people will be going abroad to further studies. and insya Allah, i will too. so, i dont know if im ready to go yet. or ready to let go of my family. and friends. Lots of tears will flow in KLIA i predict. which a whole lot of them will be coming from me.

oh, ALEVELS has officially ended by the way. so, im now jobless while waiting for uni offer letters to come. do give me a call or text me or whatever if you people want to hang out k? it's been awhile. *sigh* if im going to uk, dublin or czech republic, ill be on hols till august! whoa! so, marilah hangout ok? *hint hint subang people*

well then. it's the start of a new beginning.

Malina's tea party was great. Got to catch up with almost everyone and it's sad to know that most of them are leaving in August. Although, it's only to Indonesia but it's just not the same you know, not having them around to just call up randomly. I mean, who knows when's the next time we're gonna see each other again? *sigh* oh well, we'll meet again. soon. i hope.

I miss a whole lot of people. All i can do is hope.

I miss Izzie. Ive been ditching him because of college. I feel so guilty. Everytime he wants to hang out, I just cant seem to make it. It's just that im so tired lately. With the workload and all. I miss Mir. Havent seen him for quite awhile. Hope to see him sometime soon. I bloody miss his funnyface.

Another day of classes to survive tomorrow. when is it ever gonna end? *sigh*

AS EXAM IS OFFICIALLY OVER!

I am so bloody relieved. thank god it's over. At least FOR NOW. A2 is starting soon. geez. I hope ill survive. 4 months to go. But for the time being, i am sooo abusing my temporary freedom. till then. be safe.